30 day challenge - day 13

day 13 - a letter to someone who recently hurt you

Well I don't interact with a bunch of people per say to actually be hurt by someone. Although I do feel pushed aside and forgotten and that causes me to be hurt but then again that might just be me being oversensitive. I often feel "pushed aside and left out". It has nothing to do with a certain crowd. I just can't relate to what is going on although I wish I could relate. Boy do I wish I could relate so I can join in on the conversation without looking stupid but it just isn't my time yet. But that doesn't really apply here, does it?

Anyway I guess I could write a letter to my mom...she's hurt me a lot although it wasn't recent. I still think of it.

Dear Mother,
I'm upset with you because you didn't wish me a happy birthday. Don't even try to use the excuse that my phone is off - there are several other outlets you can contact me on. I was at least expecting an email from you but I didn't get that.

In a way, I guess it isn't that bad because I was more upset with you 2 years ago, when you ruined my birthday by telling me I haven't amounted to nothing and my boyfriend will leave me because I'm "too old" for him. That really hurt me and perhaps thats why these past two years since, I've been completely depressed for my birthday because "i'm nothing" I'm not a mother. I'm not married. I'm jobless. I don't have my own place. but you know what, take a look at yourself. You left your children. Your children don't even want to speak to you, your lucky I talk to you when I do. You're not married either and your boyfriend told you that you had to lose weight before the two of you got married. And if i recall you're not working either and you don't own your own place. So if you're gonna point the finger, there are three pointed back at you.

That hurt me the most when you left, you tore our family apart. You ruined everything and for what? Some guy that you thought you were still in love with after 20 years? Yea. Whatever.

Do you really think I like hearing you tell me "you always tried to leave" and "you only loved my dad as a friend"?

I try to push my anger aside and keep in touch with you because you are my mom and if something happened to you. I would be upset that I didn't keep in touch. But sometimes, talking to you just really upsets me. I wish what happened never happened but we can't change time.