it's been a month

since we returned to WI. In that month I've come to realize...

1.  When traveling, it's best to think you have to be at the airport earlier than you really do. Example: If our flight leaves at 2:30pm tell everyone we have to be there at 1:30pm.

2.  I've got to learn how to control my patience.

3.  I need to learn that even if something is bothering me, I can't let it show on my face (apparently, this will take a lot of work because I've been struggling with it since working at Dunkin).

4.  I need to be able to deal with some personal issues regarding food, nothing too serious it's not a disorder or anything like that.

5.  I've got to face reality and know that daddy isn't gonna jump and save me anymore because I'm not his little girl. I hate that because I thought I would always be his little princess. From the looks of things, he'll only help me out if he gets something in return.

6.  I really can't wait for Loro and I to have our own place again or at least our own room so we can have our privacy.

7.  I'm suffering from McDonald's withdrawls. I have not had McDonald's since January. Most people would be happy with an accomplishment like this, and I am, but I'm really really really craving some McNuggets and fries.

8.  There are still NSYNC fans out there =)

9. Wisconsin is completely unpredictable with weather. 

10. I like to stay up late at night because it's the only time when I (we, when my boyfriend stays up with me or vice versa) have peace and quiet

Quote in my head: "Cause paranoia ain't the way to live your life from day to day So leave your doubts and your fears behind" *NSYNC - Space Cowboy

Reality check

apparently i let my emotions sit for too long

In a message to my sister, i let out all the emotions ive had pent up. Why post those emotions here? So when things are better, I'll look back and realize how far I've come. The challenges I faced. The hurt i felt. 
"im pissed! uber pissed! i built the courage up to ask dad for the money i need for school (since u wouldnt ask for me) and got shot down. i HATE being broke and having to beg for money and still dont get it. i freaking hate it!! and dont u dare say you understand cause u dont! YOU get what YOU want. DAD covers aything YOU need for school and what do i get. SHIT. like i said yesterday FUCK chichi - she wants to build a life with her boyfried, FUCk her. she cant stay here with the family? fuck her! let her suffer! lets rub it in her face how good we have it here. fuck chichi . i swear i hope i win the lottery 1 day (that is if i ever have money to play it) and then who will be rubbing it in? me! cause then i wont have to suffer anymore. fuck family - they only let u down, mom left, dad doesnt give a shit abotut me if im not there so who cares about family. not me anymore. im hurt. and i hate to take it out on u but no one else will listen. bcuz the family doesnt cares about chichi "

mood: enraged

what family support?

It really sucks when you think you can rely on your family to help you out in a time of need. I understand that I made the decision to move away from my family and I thought I had family support no matter what. Turns out I really don't. I only have the support when it benefits the family when I'm there to cook and clean. I had a feeling it would be like this, it happened before. What I don't get is why complain about being on a tight budget but then call and brag tell me what you bought knowing good and well I'm suffering. Honestly, it's like a slap in the face. Especially when you know that I wouldn't ask for any kind of help if I didn't need it.

All I'm really concerned about is making sure my tiny school payment of $25 is paid. I thought you would at least support my school payment. I'm not asking for much but you can't even help me with that; yet I'm sure you can go out to eat and spend the amount I need. Then you have the audacity to call me and tell me what you just ate or just bought. I don't want to hear it. It really hurts.

Mood: annoyed