apparently i let my emotions sit for too long

In a message to my sister, i let out all the emotions ive had pent up. Why post those emotions here? So when things are better, I'll look back and realize how far I've come. The challenges I faced. The hurt i felt. 
"im pissed! uber pissed! i built the courage up to ask dad for the money i need for school (since u wouldnt ask for me) and got shot down. i HATE being broke and having to beg for money and still dont get it. i freaking hate it!! and dont u dare say you understand cause u dont! YOU get what YOU want. DAD covers aything YOU need for school and what do i get. SHIT. like i said yesterday FUCK chichi - she wants to build a life with her boyfried, FUCk her. she cant stay here with the family? fuck her! let her suffer! lets rub it in her face how good we have it here. fuck chichi . i swear i hope i win the lottery 1 day (that is if i ever have money to play it) and then who will be rubbing it in? me! cause then i wont have to suffer anymore. fuck family - they only let u down, mom left, dad doesnt give a shit abotut me if im not there so who cares about family. not me anymore. im hurt. and i hate to take it out on u but no one else will listen. bcuz the family doesnt cares about chichi "

mood: enraged