In my last post, I mentioned how I hadn't let my monthly visits get to me until this week. Why is it bothering me now?

Well towards the end of 2014 my boyfriend told me one of the sentences I've been waiting to hear for a few years now..."I'm ready for a kid".

So I thought that since we were both finally ready, maybe baby would happen. Well January 28th came and so did my visitor. Although I was hoping not to see her, I kind of expected her since it does take a little time. What I wasn't expecting was to be so emotional about it this time. Sure every month is a disappointment but this time I felt so heavy. I feel like my life is incomplete. I didn't want to eat, didn't want to see anyone and didn't want to work. My boyfriend was supportive and provided comfort and told me we could try again.

In the back of my mind, I worry that it just won't happen for me. I know we've only NTNP but I'm 31 years old and feel like my time is running out. All around me, women are having babies who are half my age.

I hope I get my chance. I started taking Prenatals again. I'll be going to the doctor soon to make sure everything is in working order. I'm going to try making healthier choices and drink more water. Other than that I don't know what else to do just yet. Any suggestions be sure to let me know.

Until next time...

Where to begin?

Last year I swore that I would blog more. That's a laugh, I only blogged 6 times in 2014 which is better than the two times in 2013.

2014 was relatively a good year. Although it didn't get off to a great start because of where we were living (a crappy "apartment" with little heat and rats) it got better after we moved. In April, I was thrilled to start working at a day care as teacher assistant for twos. I really enjoyed that job and felt that I would be there for many years but in September I got the opportunity to interview for Head Start teacher assistant. I jumped at the chance and was blessed to advance in my career in such a short time. I'm loving my job and though I still dream of working at Disney I'm love being a teacher. I've decided to go back to school for my Bachelors and I'm in the process of applying to start in summer.

Obviously, I never got to make an exciting announcement. We were still "not trying, not preventing" and after my disappointment in June, I decided to let it go and relax. Of course, every month that I got a visit from evil AF I was let down but I didn't let it get to me. Until this week, but more about that later.

But DBF told me one of the phrases I've been waiting for him to say, "I'm ready for a kid."

So now I guess this officially means we're TTC. I don't even know where to begin in documenting this journey, we've NTNP since June 2013. I don't know if something is wrong or it just hasn't happened yet. The first thing to do would be to schedule preconception checkup since I have so many worries.

The only sure thing I know about 2015 is DBF and I are headed to FL in May for my brother's graduation. I can't wait to see my siblings, dad and aunties. I'm hoping we step foot on Disney property while we're there. Other than that, I don't know what's to come in 2015 but I hope it's an eventful year. I hope I do a better job of documenting what happens.

Thinking before I act or speak

This is just a note to myself for not thinking before I react to something I don't like. This past weekend if I had took a moment and thought about how others would react to my reaction, I probably wouldn't have handled it the way I did. I apologized for how I handled the situation but I don't think my apology has been accepted. I hate drama and if I had just stopped for a minute all of this drama would have been avoided. What's done is done and I can only move forward from here.

Disappointed

I woke up this morning to my evil friend's late arrival without any advance notice. She really had me thinking I wouldn't see her for 9 months or so but here she is. I didn't make plans for her vacation but I really didn't expect her after being about 9 days late. This time though, I didn't cry.  She'll get the memo eventually.

May 2014: 101 in 1001 updates

Hey everyone! I'm not off to a great start with updating once a week. Oops.

Here's a few items I was able to cross off the list for the month of May.

4. go see Maleficent with MIL and niece4
We saw Maleficent opening weekend. I wasn't sure what I would think of the movie since it doesn't follow the original storyline exactly but I really did like it. I loved the relationship between Maleficent and Aurora.

17. Start taking prenatal vitamins.
I picked up a 100 ct bottle of Spring Valley Prenatal vitamins with Folic Acid. I started taking them around May 19.

52. design a graphic for 101 in 1001

I used Picmonkey to create this graphic. It's not much but gets the job done.

53. convince my sister to do 101 in 1001

70. make Rumchata at home
I can't really take credit for this one but I helped Loro make Rumchata. By help, I mean I sampled and told him when it tasted good. I hope he makes it again.

99. Eat at 5 new restaurants. 1 down - 4 to go. We tried Oscar's Pub and Grill which was rated #3 for the best burger's in my city. I had The Big Aloha which consists of an 8oz Black Angus Burger, Ham, havarti cheese, slice of pineapple and avocado. Also, we had the appetizer combo which had frickle chips and battered green beans. It had other stuff too, but that's all I was interested in.

So that's 6.1 items crossed off my list. Let's see what I can cross off in June.

101 in 1001: take 2

As I posted yesterday, I failed my first take at 101 in 1001. I came up with another list, the start date was yesterday May 17, 2014 and the end date is February 11, 2017.

1. Have a baby
2. send a surprise to my Aunts (and call them often)
3. go to Florida for my brother's graduation
4. go see Maleficent with MIL and niece4
5. surprise Mom with a package
6. send brother and sister birthday gifts on time
7. buy a house

8. Communicate with Loro when something is wrong (especially when he asks "What's wrong?")
9. Stay on Disney property with Loro
10. Have a real vacation with Loro
12. Watch Lord of the Rings
13. Watch Chronicles of narnia
14. take a monthly picture of Loro and me
15. try not to snore*
16. give Loro rubs he likes (without being asked)*
*Boyfriend's request

17. Start taking prenatals
18. document my pregnancy
19. lose 20-40 pounds
20. stop over-eating, eat smaller portions, eat healthier
21. go to dentist
22. learn to deal with stress better
23. be more fluent speaking Spanish
24. join a gym
25. exercise 3 times a week
26. drink 5 glasses a water a day
27. no sweets for a week
28. don't complain for a week
29. don't swear a week
30. do right split again
31. open savings account and save money!
32. get my credit score
33. begin to pay off my debt
34. drink coffee without milk (document)
35. sort through old clothes and get rid of clothes
36. get 2nd hole in ears
37. be more organized (with everything)
38. don't let laundry pile up
39. take Intro to Childcare profession course
40. further my education

41. buy light sweaters and camis for layering
42. buy bakeware
43. buy bedroom furniture (dresser, new bed, etc)
44. buy a bookshelf (and a "Melmer")
45. buy a Dooney & Burke Disney purse
46. buy cute sandals for Summer
47. buy cute shoes for work
48. buy a 3DS xL
49. buy 5 Disney items
50. buy kinetic sand or moon sand
51. buy a new Winter coat and boots

52. design a graphic for 101 in 1001  I used picmonkey to create my graphic
53. convince my sister to do 101 in 1001
54. 300 GFC followers on nail blog, 200 IG followers and 100 likes on FB
55. post at least 3 times a week (twice on nail blog, once here)
56. Monthly summary post on nail blog
57. try 2 new indie brands
58. learn to take better photos
59. 1000 posts on nail blog and 500 posts here
60. interact more with readers
61. try new nail art every month
62. invest in a better camera
63. purchase domain for nail blog
64. share items accomplished on blog
65. decide whether to start 101 in 1001 again

66. make a scrapbook
67. bake 5 different cakes and document
68. read PLL series
69. Finish reading The Lying Game series
70. make Rumchata at home
71. make a baby blanket
72. make caramel toffee brownies
73. bake cookies from scratch
74. sew another skirt
75. make homemade pizza
76. finish reading Mockingjay
77. try 5 old recipes I haven't made in awhile
78. read a non-fiction book

79. send snail mail/nail mail to 5 people
80. finish #fmsphotoaday
81. meet some of my online friends in person (go to a Youtube event)
82. catch up on the DIS
83. stay in contact with moms from old job
84. send out Christmas cards
85. hang out with co-workers from old and new job

86. Go to Chicago
87. visit Cloud Gate (Chicago Bean)
88. ride a train
89. go to Summerfest
90. go to Six Flags
91. eat at a Japanese restaurant
92. eat at Kopp's
93. eat at Solly's
94. go to zoo
95. go to museum
96. go to a Zumba class
97. eat at PF changs
98. go to skating rink with Loro
99. eat at 5 new restaurants/try 5 different entrees at "new" place
100. fix car
101. do something "new"

failed 101 in 1001

On August 13, 2011  I made a list of 101 things to accomplish in 1001 days. It's a week after my deadline (May 10, 2014) and sad to say but I only accomplished about 45 items on that list. Some of them are no longer applicable since the time has past and I'm not in school and my sister's not a senior anymore.

For the ones that were accomplished, surprisingly I wasn't very good about documenting the items on my list as it happened. Some of the items, I'm sad that it didn't happen even though it's out of my control. The one thing that I really wanted to cross of my list was to have a baby and that didn't happen. I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me.

On the bright side, I graduated with my associates degree in Early Childhood Development and I started working at a Daycare on April 2, 2014. That accomplishment makes me feel like I really did something. I'm happy with my career and it's where I want to be. Although, if the opportunity came up, I'd love to work with children (childcare/teaching) at Disney.

I've given it some thought and I think I want to do a 2nd round of 101 in 1001. Of course, I need an actual list but I'm not going to "cheat" this time making #1 find 101 things to accomplish.

So stay tuned for my new list of 101 in 1001.